Ramblings of a Lesson Learned

I've been meaning to sit down and post this little lesson, but sometimes when pain and misery is so fresh in your mind, it's best to wait.  So with my little experience behind me, but not forgotten, I feel better about confronting it.

Last summer the heat was awful.  I remember thinking how nice winter is going to be.  I just wanted it to be cooler.  I'm not as young as I use to be and my body is showing that it doesn't do so well in extreme temperatures anymore.  Winter is here and it's not cooler.  It's cold!  There is a huge difference between running in the cold and riding in the cold.  When I run, I know exactly how to layer for various temperatures and conditions.  Riding is a little different.  You have the wind that you create with speed plus weather factors.

A few weeks ago we did a ride that was so windy and cold.  Riders who showed up got back in their cars and left.  It wasn't exactly the safest conditions, but from the looks of the riders who were left, we were all experienced and I knew there wouldn't be any "squirrels" out there.  So I went for it.  It ended up being a very challenging ride, but a good one.  I wasn't too cold on the ride, and was able to warm my core afterward with a nice hot cocoa.

The following week I suited up as usual for another Saturday ride.  The temps were the same, low 40's, but the wind wasn't even close to being as bad as it was the week before.  I wore exactly the same layers as I had the week before.  I was thinking I might get a little warm, but I could always unzip.  We rolled out and it didn't take us long to warm up.  We stopped at our second meet up spot to wait for more riders.  I got instantly cold standing around and was happy to get rolling again.  We weren't even a mile down the road and someone flatted.  I told my husband that I would soft pedal to keep from getting cold.  So I pushed on with another rider knowing the guys would catch us.

We had fun riding and chatting, something that doesn't happen too often because I'm usually just trying to breathe.  We were heading north into the wind.  If you are from TX, you know the north wind is always cooler and can be down right cutting.    I have to admit I wasn't really soft pedaling.  The rider I was with may have been, but she's super strong.  There was still no sign of the group behind us.  About 8 miles out from our turn around point, the temps dropped drastically.  I could no longer feel my feet, but I knew that the ride home would be with the wind at our back and by then I would have the boys to tuck between and I could draft most of the way home.

I was cold to the core.  I no longer wanted to talk.  I just pushed on as fast as I could into the wind, which wasn't very fast according to my Garmin.  The group caught us at the turn around.  We stopped to get fuel at the local store and use the restroom.  I hate gross public restrooms, but I was so cold, I actually didn't mind being inside and out of the wind.  The group stood around and talked a bit.  As I looked at each person, I could tell they were not suffering as I was.  I was miserably cold.  I started to get uptight and just a little pissed off that I still had 25+ miles to go before I would be in a hot shower.  I looked down and could see my quads shaking.  I jumped on my bike and rode off without the group.  I parted with, "Sorry, I gotta get moving."  I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just miserable.  I knew they would catch me; I'm the slowest rider in the group.

We were all back together in the first mile and we joked a little about me taking off.  I rode as fast as my body would let me, but I just couldn't keep up with them.  I kept looking at my Garmin and my pace was puzzling.  I couldn't understand why I was so darn slow.  I knew that once we made our last right turn, we would be headed south and I would have the wind at my back.  The group pulled ahead which left me out in the wind and slowed my speed even more.

Ahhh....the final turn.  "Smooth sailing from here" was what I expected, but what I got was, "Where the hell is the tail wind!?"  The wind shifted and we got a strong cross wind the whole way home.  Every time I got out of the saddle to push and try to warm up, my quads seized up.  I couldn't push the cranks, I still couldn't feel my feet, and I was getting pissed.

I've been an athlete long enough to have experienced a true BONK.  Not a bad day, but a true BONK!  I will admit that I've experienced it more than once.  So I'm pretty in tune with my body and can recognize the signs...each and every sign as they slowly creep up and progress.  "How on earth could this be happening?" It was cold, not hot, and I could not understand why I would be feeling this way in these conditions.  I was hydrated.  I was eating.  What was going on?

I asked the group to ride ahead and just leave.  I wanted to be miserable by myself.  I knew the way home.  I hated that every time I crested a hill, there they were.  I knew they were freezing waiting for me.  Sucks when people see you miserable.  What made me feel better is when another rider tried to get out of the saddle and groaned in pain.  He said his quads were seizing up.  Mean and cruel, this made me feel better.  

Just 5 miles from home and I felt like I was going to puke.  "Yep, it's happening.  I'm starting to BONK."  My husband asked me if I was OK.  That pissed me off because  I knew I looked anything but OK.  I couldn't afford to get upset or let my emotions run wild.  Pissed off and asthma don't mix well.

I made it home and hobbled into the house.  I still could not feel my feet.  I stood in the hot shower and my husband brought me a hot drink to start the warming from the inside out.  The cold soon left me, but the experience was still fresh.    I have some pretty vivid suffer experiences that stay fresh in my mind and this one is going to be one of them.

Looking back and reading my body I know exactly what happened.  I don't think I could have been warmer.  I dressed for the cold, but the cutting north wind won.  I regularly check the weather so I can prepare adequately.  I just didn't bank on the shift in wind and drop in temps.  My body was too cold for too long and was using excess energy to keep it warm.  That was the energy I needed to push the cranks and ride 50+ miles.  That's where the BONK started.  I wasn't compensating for the loss of fuel through warming.  I am so glad I didn't completely BONK.  I have yet to get in a car.  I have yet to quit.  I have yet to SAG.  This was the closest I have been to getting off my bike, throwing my bike down, and crawling into a ditch to get warm and waiting for someone to SAG me.

This ride isn't about the weather at all.  It's not about how to prepare better next time.  It's about suffering.  It's about suffering beyond what you think you can handle.  It's about going to a place you don't want to go to ever again.  It's about putting this experience in my little bag from which I know one day I will have to go to in order to get through another tough moment.  It's that bag of experiences that keep you going.  My average may have sucked, but my mental toughness grew.  This does not mean, in any way, that I'd like to do that again.  I'll be on the indoor trainer when it's windy and in the low 40's this winter.  :)